twitter.com/highwaycatcher

I don't LJ much anymore.

Has everyone forgotten how awesome this song is? --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CBN3F-HPa4

August 4th: drive to Jacksonville at 6 AM, 1 hour layover in Atlanta, fly to JFK, wait in airport for about 7/8 hours to try and hitch a 12 1/2 hour flight to Israel.

August 10th: attempt to fly back to JFK, hang out in NYC for 11 days.

I got my 1st speeding ticket today. Of all the times in my life I could have received a speeding ticket, the one time in my life where money is incredibly tight seems to be the best. Go figure.

I think I've probably cried every single day this week. I mean, awesome right?

At least True Blood is the most amazing show, ever. And NOT overrated regardless of what others may tell you. That is all.

-L-ron.

you should probably give up now.

im feel like a blind man.

where are my eyes?

i'm leaving for thailand in less than 24 hours. holy crap.

Today is the day of my mothers funeral. 2PM Shikany's Funeral Home in Bonita springs FL. Open invite

My life seems to be falling apart, and i'm not being dramatic here... my car, my electronics, my relationships, my mind, my job... well i don't know anymore. i don't know what the hell i'm suppose to do... "suppose to do".. as if life has some sort of meaning, purpose. I don't mean in some sort of nihilistic sort of way, well maybe i am.. but for me, having no meaning is more liberating than having meaning. Having a purpose means there is a wrong way and a right way.. and as i seem to be making all the wrong choices having no meaning seems to suit my needs. I mean that's what this is all about, me.. that's what it's all about for anyone, is themselves.. everything everyone does is for their own good. Even Mother Teressa did things cause SHE thought they were right.. because SHE believe in what SHE thought was good. There is no escaping it... well whatever.. that's not what this is about, at least not primarily.

The fact that we exist, that we can say we exist is pretty amazing. I mean look around, think about something.. to me.. that's amazing. You exist. When I discovered my existence, I thought it was pretty amazing. But i'm caring less and less every day. Existence isn't really all that it's cracked up to be, and not existing is seeming more and more attractive. I'm not doing anything with this existence, and even though i know it's there I take it for granted every day, with every decision not do so something I want to do, but am too afraid of what would happen.. which in itself is insane, because the outcomes are not at all fatal.. so why don't I do them... ? ... ... ... ... I'm not going to defend this.. because i don't know why. There so much shit that needs to be done, there is so much crap that needs to be taken care of that it's always going to be there. All i do is disappoint, but how can I when I try so hard at being nothing. Though, i probably don't need to try too hard.. but people sometimes get the wrong impression of me and I have to back pedal.. "no, i just got lucky"... "ah, it's not really that hard" .. or whatever doesn't matter what I do either I sound like prick or I sound like i'm being modest.

my whole life feels like I waiting, and people are waiting for me. like i'm suppose to impress them somehow. sitting there quietly, silently judging, watching me like a roast in the oven. but that's me being paranoid. i know people don't care about me enough to even judge me. besides people let other people do their judging. which is the worse kind of judging. and at the same time, I feel like i'm constantly being ignored. looked over. forgotten about. this is how i'm fucked up, I'm a fucked up person who is exactly where he's suppose to be... if not in a hire station then he should be.. but hey, it's never to late to be knocked down a peg or three.

i think one of the things i'm finally coming to terms with is my intelligence, I thought I was smart, but what i mistook for intelligence was hope of me being intelligent.. or maybe being the one eyed man among the blind. too bad all i do is stare at the sun all day. i have no real talent for anything, despite what you may think... but talent is illusion anyways, so it doesn't matter. I use to believe that somehow I was training myself subconsciously somehow.. that I was gaining all these skills covertly that merely needed small adjustments to excel at certain things and I wouldn't have to work so hard for them. ... but that's the thing I don't mind working hard, or maybe i do, and i don't want to admit it.. ... but even thinking about that.. I would admit something like that. what if i'm in denial about something, but like that something is nothing I'd be ashamed of... i mean, i wouldn't really be ashamed of anything so as long as it's the truth. ... fuck man.. life sucks... you can have your existance.

sex is pretty stupid. why do people take it so seriously. to quote Dan: "it's just a dude putting his thing in a girl and moving around..." of course there are variations, but it seems to be the focal point of so many people, and the ruination of others...

fuck this.

overall this past week has been pretty cool. a whim turned into quite something else.

lay off on the fun sauce. its becoming expensive and a hassle. if she cant have fun out of those environments, im going to find someone who can. but i have to watch and see...

i got some ideas:
one - be in the best mood ever. meet new friends (the cute and sexy kind). see how that effects my attitude.

two - get a well paying part time job, NOW!

three - raise my rates per project or hour. charge that when working with rich and make a deal with megans dad ("creative consultant"...whatever that is lol)

four - think about building a team of me, karen, and someone else that wants to make some fricking money. they have to be good with people, really good. and sharp, business minded.

five - start communications back up with rick chitwood about his MLM company. use a similar system (that i will create for use in rich's business) for that one and make even more money.

six - meanwhile build a relationship with jeff and understand as much as i can in playing the stock market (to win). use that knowledge and the money ive made to create supplemental income with "vice" stocks (alcohol, video games, cigarette, casinos, or anything else that has to do with sex, greed, food...the arts and music too). those vices and the arts will begin to flourish because its things like those that stick around and grow when a countrys in trouble.

seven - save, save, save. buy gold and silver. invest in "smart" accounts (the ones that yield the best from just sitting there and other stuff...lol)

eight - go through hypnoticas collection of confidence programs. theres a lot you can learn from just listening to it. just imagine the difference from doing it.

eight - introduce myself and build relationships with the owners some of the "hot" places around here. show them how to take what they do and make it better (if they want). merely as a convenience. and one heck of "booster" lol.

nine - go through every bit and "upgrade" my thinking regarding the whole male/female relations thing. what works and what doesnt depending on what im after. playmate or date date, instead of going with the "flow". the "flow" in most cases (like 60-70% of guys) is not having the balls to lead the interaction to where you want it to go, giving up, and having her lead the way, and hopefully survive lol. granted some dudes are douches, some dont care, some use women, and others are smart enough to know what do to and end up making themselves and the women they are with, happy.

prepare for worst...hope for the best.
(note to self: stop being a whiny boob...and keep working out, its doing you good. six pack, buddy.)

LETS GO!

i love/hate how obsessed hollie has gotten me with twilight. mostly i love it! i'm gonna read the rest of the books on my insanely long flight i have in 4 days.

Regrets (Ben Folds Five Cover) - We Versus the Shark

Such a good song. Anyway. Let's see, two nights ago, me, Billy and Brandon went to hang out at this dude's house, pick up a few 32's, and proceed to have an amazing session of Marvel vs Capcom 2. It's really funny, I'm pretty sure that everybody who looks at my ID thinks it's fake, but figures why not. I mean, it's already started to break in half, and it's from FL. So we get a good vibe goin' on, then we go crusing back to their place, drink a bit more, and get sleep. I don't wake up until around 11:30, after passing out at 4:30. I stop by the house, shave, take a shower, grab some real food, and head over to pick up Chris to hang out. He actually has some cash, which is nice, and a good start to the evenin'. I swing by Joanna's to get her, and we decide to head to this show, which I honestly didn't have high expectations for, but there were a few winners.

So I'm in, there's a lot of bad metal. I go out to the bar, meet up with a friend Kaitlyn, who proceeds to introduce me to her friend Kendell. Really cute, Psychology Major, and she had gone to a Cypress-Esque art school sort of thing. Talked for about 30 seconds, then I roll a Bugler, and right as I seal it, I hear "Man, you old school!" Enter James, the 55 year old black traveler/motorcycle enthusiast/logistics dude. "Motherfucker, I sang Sugar Hill Gang last week at Karaoke, where the hell were you?!" Great guy. I excused myself from the introduction with the girl, and me and this dude have one of the best conversations I've ever had. Talking about cheap ass cigarettes, women (including him telling me that you have to pull a James Brown whenever you're mounting your good lady), traveling, even fucking Philosophy. This dude is a HUGE fan of Descartes, and we talked about literature, a whole bunch of shit. At one point I was looking for a dollar, and he asks what I'm drinking. "Man, when you ask what I'm drinking, do you mean the cheap cup of beer I'm about to get or the my personal drink of choice?" "Motherfucker I asked what you wanted to drink, it's pretty straightforward!" So he grabs me a Whiskey Sour, and at this point we're still talking, and this asshole I've met once or twice is sitting a seat down from us, and interjects with a "I'll take one of those, haha" but you can tell he's just trying to see if he can get lucky and score a free drink. Completely in sync, we both look at him and just give him this "Are you fucking kidding?" look, and he backs off, tail between his legs, and we get back to talking.

He's been literally all over the world, used to be a teacher, loves to see everything. Talks to me about his bucket list, lots of things. This guy, just gave me a lot of insight and advice on things. Some of it I didn't agree with so much, but I'm still going to take some of it with me, that way I don't have to make the wrong decision in order to learn from it. By the end of our talk, a couple more drinks, we shake hands, he tells me that his player card has been revoked and it's mine now, and I tell him I'll see him around. So, I go back and talk to Kendall, talking about music, I bring her to my car and show her Dust Congress, and she takes me to hers and shows me some local folk that is pretty good, then we talked about art, and our creative processes, which I know sounds pretentious, but it was cool to talk about that sort of thing. She gives me her number, I give her mine and tell her to call me sometime if she wants to go read sometime, and then I go back inside. The manager of the Hot Topic up here Tonya buys me a couple of beers, telling me that I need to burn her a couple of CD's, or she'll kick my ass. Woman's 34, just got out of a 15 year marriage, which I think I already wrote about. Where her husband fell on a kitten and splattered it? Yeah, I think I did.

Then we go in, and this band that starts to play sounds....almost like fucking hardcore. Wait, it is. The best way to describe it would be Limp Wrist with more rock n' roll influence. So fucking good it's ridiculous. I tried to start a circle pit, but I forgot that up here unless someone tells you to do it, you just stand there wondering when you can start two stepping. The band's called Debaser. Seriously fucking good. They're coming through Fort Myers, so if anyone reads this see if you can set up a show for them, even if you don't like me or whatever. They do a Nirvana cover, and a Dead Kennedys cover. Afterwards when I was at the merch table with Joanna, I made that original comment about them, and the drummer looks up and says that's the best description he's ever heard. We all start talking, and they're really really nice dudes. Doing FL sometime these next couple weeks, and I gave them a few local bands they could get in touch with and see if they can set up a couple of extra dates. Then a metal band comes on, and me and Billy do a Mecha-Shiva. The entire show we're seeing sweaty ass dudes doing their two stepping, and all that jazz, which I'm guilty of, but when I was 16. Anyway, for anyone who isn't Venture Brothers savvy, this is a mecha-shiva:

Most of the kids had no idea what was going on, and they stopped and just kind of stared as we had a one(two?)man circle pit, and me picking up change while he punched at the sky. So fucking fun. Then I stick around for a band called Energy, which was basically AFI 10 years ago. So OK. Met a girl Jacci, talked about Hewhocorrupts, and how she used to go to strip clubs and take pictures of them and just randomly text them to her friends when she was bored, very win. Then she gives me her number and said it would be nice to talk to someone who isn't a jerk and actually knows something about music. So I guess I might hang out with her today. Anyway, so the night goes on, we grab more 32's and go to this punk kid Toad's house, where we listen to Seperate Ways twice, and some GG Allen and an 80's mix. We play some music on the guitar, drink some more, Brandon goes and pukes, I talk to Toad about traveling. This other kid, Taylor was hanging out with us and wants to get into the side project, so that's something. Plus a band up here wants me to fill in for their guitarist for a show in Florence or something on Saturday, I might do that. Depends on what's going on with work.
Great fuckin' last couple of nights.