I've said it once and I'll say it again.

Boys are predictable.

Sometimes a little TOO predictable.

I worry a lot. I think more than normal people do and I'm terrified of life.
I'm terrifed to step outside of my comfort zone which is my house and into my car to go see people I haven't in a while.
Roy and travis hung out with me and we haven't in forever.
Played pool with a wack job cowboy at a bar.
Had a normal and fun day.
I'm nervous to really do anything different from my everyday life. I find myself hearing from people I really want to but really can't only on days when I get out to try and do something on my own.
I've also learned that I am not alone.

A lot of people lately feel the way I do. Just not as extreme.
I keep having dreams about my friends from the past. The past being 1 or 2 years ago when we were all close.
I have dreams where a certain boy said "If I got up and left right now without anyone knowing would you come with me?"
This isn't someone that I had spent an overwhelming amount of memories with but someone who did impact my life at a time.
And I remember feeling like "really.... me?"

I have dreams where I see her and I talk in the dream to people about how I hope I'm not dreaming because every time this happens I wake up and its not true and shes not here. And sure enough its a fucking dream and I wake up to my reality. I'm in my bed time to wake up take a shower put on some clothes and see whats on the televison after enjoying a cigarette.

I like seeing friends from the past and not worrying about anything while enjoying my day.
Have you ever felt like you had everything you needed right in front of you.. but not exactly what you want?

I feel selfish.

But this can't be healthy for me.

My biggest fear is turning into one of those girls who thinks they arn't good enough anymore.
Because i have changed in the past months and I don't look or feel the way I did then.
Its back to the shrink for me soon.
And I've never been more terrified in my entire life.
<3